I have 11 sons and have spent many hours studying wiser men and trying to be a good father. Here is a list of 33 points I have shared with my sons. I welcome your feedback.
- Triumph with Humility: Victory is already apparent; there’s no need for gloating. Graciousness in success fosters allies, not enemies. Acknowledge the strengths of others, and learn from them.
- Learn from Defeat: Complaining about losing leads to isolation and stagnation. Every defeat is a lesson in disguise. Thank God for the opportunity to learn more about yourself and to grow with grace.
- Prioritize Skills Over Results: Focus on developing skills, as they accumulate and eventually lead to your desired outcomes. Relish the process and strive for personal excellence. Remember, anything worth doing is going to be difficult.
- Embrace Self-Reliance: Employment is not an entitlement. Like pioneers forging new paths, embrace the work available and create opportunities, potentially becoming a provider for others.
- Pursue Goals Boldly: Aspire to excellence with passion and dedication. Reject the complacency of those who fear failure. Embrace noble ambitions.You were made for great things!
- The Door is Always Open: Regardless of past decisions, the journey’s you’ve gone on or the mistakes you’ve made, going home is always an option. Face the consequences with courage and embrace change.
- Stand Firm in your Convictions: When you’re facing resistance for your principles, see it as a chance to demonstrate resolve with authentic joy. This is the crucible of true leadership and enduring change. Don’t expect things to always go your way, and it will help with maintaining peace.
- Return with Gratitude: When borrowing, return the item in better condition. Respect and care for what’s lent to you, treating it even better than your own possessions. This is a great trait to cultivate, but it’s so rare it will also make an unforgettable impression on your friends, family and colleagues.
- Value Companionship: The significance of supportive friends, family members and a wife surpasses material wealth. Prepare for marriage and fatherhood, embracing the complementary nature of men and women. Invest in relationships, always looking for ways to help those around you.
- Embrace Challenges: Life’s difficulties forge strength and character when you accept them with courage and trust in the Lord. Reject mediocrity, and continuously strive for higher goals. Recruit wise older men into your group of friends and emulate them.
- Reject Envy: Celebrate others’ successes and draw inspiration from them. Choose friends who support, rather than undermine, your achievements. Let go of envy to avoid its destructive power.
- Choose Compassion Over Empathy: In a world where empathy is often manipulated, practice compassion with discernment, maintaining the right to independent judgment. Listen to your emotions, but let them be your servant rather than your master.
- Focus on What Matters: Don’t be preoccupied with strangers’ opinions. Instead, cherish and maintain connections with family, Catholic men of proven character and perseverance, and friends who share your most important values.
- Safeguard Your Reputation: Building a trustworthy reputation takes time, and it can be quickly undone. Take your time to make wise choices and seek counsel from trusted friends who love you enough to tell you the truth about your strengths and weaknesses.
- Learn from Criticism: View criticism as an opportunity for growth, and controlling your reaction to it. Remember you do NOT have to defend yourself. You do NOT have to prove that the criticism is wrong. This mindset allows for continuous learning and self-improvement.
- Accept Praise Graciously: Respond to compliments with a simple “thank you,” acknowledging the gesture without false modesty. Never deny the compliment; this is merely begging for additional compliments.
- Acknowledge Gender Distinctions: Embrace and respect the inherent differences between men and women, understanding the unique roles and responsibilities each has. God made women different from us. Understand those differences. Learn their strengths and weaknesses. Cultivate patience and humility. Treat your mother and wife as if they were Queens. (They are!)
- Avoid Destructive Temptations: Steer clear of pornography; its effects are deeply damaging to personal progress and relationships.Porn will wreck your mind forever; you can never unsee those things. Remind yourself that each one of those women is a man’s daughter!
- Apologize with Integrity: Only apologize when you are truly at fault. Avoid appeasement in relationships or to public pressure. You might think you’re being humble, but apologizing too quickly will only show you are not a man of principle, or worse, you’re a coward. These mistakes will be seen not as humility, but as weakness.
- Honor Maternal Sacrifice: Recognize and appreciate the profound sacrifices made by mothers. Their insight is extremely valuable. Your mom, grandmother, aunts, sisters and wife won’t always be right, but treat their opinions and ideas with appreciation.
- Choose Friends Wisely: Your future is influenced by your companions. Seek associations that uplift and morally strengthen you. Look for friends that are more successful than you, holier than you, greater in virtue and wisdom.
- Control Your Temper: A measured response to provocation preserves dignity and respect.Your response (not a reaction!), is more powerful than any attack you might be facing. Dealing with an attack with patience, a smile and humor can negate even the worst assault. It shows who the man in the room is!
- Master Persuasion: Recognize that persuasion is a universal skill. Understanding persuasion’s core principles is crucial in any context. Help those you are engaging with seek the ultimate good in their lives, in every context.
- Be an Engaged Listener: Effective conversation involves listening and showing genuine interest in others, rather than spending your listening time thinking about a response. Silence is good. Take time to think before you speak.
- Strive for Excellence, Not Perfection: Aim to be outstanding without obsessing over being the best. Excellence within your community is a worthy goal. Set reasonable, measurable short term goals and then build upon them, like climbing a ladder.
- Embrace Natural Wellness: Daily sunlight is essential for mental and physical well-being. Prioritize this simple, yet effective health practice, and aim for 20 minutes of sunlight early in the day. Use artificial lights if necessary.
- Be Decisive and Honest: Commit to your words. Uphold your promises, and be transparent if circumstances change. Admit when you’re wrong, or if you spoke too soon.
- Cultivate Relationships: Building strong connections is as important as personal achievements. These relationships are key to a fulfilling life. Try to be a ‘giver’ in every relationship, always asking people how you can help them or how you can pray for them.
- Understand Shame’s Role: Listen to your conscience, using shame as a guide, not an absolute judge. It’s a crucial part of moral discernment.When in doubt, find someone you know who has great prudence and ask them to help you think clearly without self-delusion.
- Recognize Familial Influence: Acknowledge the traits inherited from your father, uncles and grandfathers. Understanding these can guide personal development and self-awareness. Spend your time learning about their lives, struggles and regrets.
- Fight for Righteous Causes: Sometimes, the value of a struggle lies in its righteousness, not its practicality. Courage and virtue are their own rewards. Sometimes, fighting a losing battle is the right call. This requires prudence and humility, so make sure you’re cultivating it elsewhere in your life.
- Foster a strong relationship with your guardian angel. He was chosen by God out of his omniscience to guard, enlighten and guide you. He knows you better than you know yourself. He should be your best friend. Talk to him, ask for his help.
- Master those things you control and work to accept with peace everything you cannot control. God permits evil and suffering so you can grow detached from the things of the world and grow dependent on Him. Face uncertainty, pain and humiliation with courage and perseverance. Think constantly of Our Lord’s passion when you are tempted to see yourself as a victim.