Category: Men

Advice for My Sons

Posted on by Jeff Cassman

I have 11 sons and have spent many hours studying wiser men and trying to be a good father.  Here is a list of 33 points I have shared with my sons.  I welcome your feedback.

  1. Triumph with Humility: Victory is already apparent; there’s no need for gloating. Graciousness in success fosters allies, not enemies. Acknowledge the strengths of others, and learn from them.
  2. Learn from Defeat: Complaining about losing leads to isolation and stagnation. Every defeat is a lesson in disguise. Thank God for the opportunity to learn more about yourself and to grow with grace.
  3. Prioritize Skills Over Results: Focus on developing skills, as they accumulate and eventually lead to your desired outcomes. Relish the process and strive for personal excellence. Remember, anything worth doing is going to be difficult.
  4. Embrace Self-Reliance: Employment is not an entitlement. Like pioneers forging new paths, embrace the work available and create opportunities, potentially becoming a provider for others.
  5. Pursue Goals Boldly: Aspire to excellence with passion and dedication. Reject the complacency of those who fear failure. Embrace noble ambitions.You were made for great things!
  6. The Door is Always Open: Regardless of past decisions, the journey’s you’ve gone on or the mistakes you’ve made, going home is always an option. Face the consequences with courage and embrace change.
  7. Stand Firm in your Convictions: When you’re facing resistance for your principles, see it as a chance to demonstrate resolve with authentic joy. This is the crucible of true leadership and enduring change.  Don’t
… Read the rest

The Siren’s Song

Posted on by Jeff Cassman

From @BldgCatholicMen on Twitter:

A few tips for men struggling with Pornography.

I am no expert and these are not necessarily exhaustive or systematic.

That said, this is a road i’ve traveled and a battle i’ve fought, and here are some ideas for moving forward:

1. Pause & Receive the Peace of Christ — If you are struggling with Pornography, pause right now, just for a moment and ask Christ for peace and strength.

Listen: The devil, first and foremost, wants you to despair. That is the ultimate end-game of all temptation.

If he can’t get you to despair because of your sin, he’ll try to get you to double-down on passionate, anxious, and ultimately prideful effort at self-mastery — to lean more heavily than ever on your own wit and strength, rather than on God.

In either case — despair or reactive pride — you are becoming more a man controlled by your passions.

Step one is to set aside your passions for a moment. In humility, acknowledge some simple truths:

God is the Lord.
He created and loves me.
I am weak and broken-hearted.
He is merciful and will be my strength in this fight.

2. Focus & Take Courage — In the case of pornography or other such addictions, it is easy for all of your attention to be on the negative — i.e. not doing x.

But this leaves the focus on x.

It’s like trying to tell someone to not think of a bird. … Read the rest

The Virtuous Vanguard

Posted on by Jeff Cassman

A post by @BldgCatholicMen on Twitter:

Catholic Husbands and Fathers: A well-lived and abundant life is a dynamic and ongoing interplay of Grace and Choice — the contemplative and active life — the Theological and Cardinal Virtues.

The foundation is the Theological Virtues — God’s gift of himself:

— Faith (come to know & trust in the Lord)
— Hope (in His providence and promises)
— Charity (Give and receive authentic love)

These virtues are a super-natural gift of grace. We receive and engage them by seeking God, participating in the sacraments He has given us (Baptism, Eucharist, etc) and through a commitment to daily, purposeful prayer.

We would do well to remember that while prayer involves our activity — worshipping, thanking, apologizing, petitioning — it is God’s action upon us in prayer that is of utmost important and value. Hence, our job is primarily to show up, pray the best we can, but ultimately just be there with God and let Him do the work.

This relationship with God and your prioritization and engagement of it is the foundation of your life. But this relationship calls us to intentionality and action, and thus to the realm of the Cardinal (or Human) Virtues:

— Prudence (Intentionality, decision, action)
— Justice (duty, priority, vocation)
— Courage (facing fear, attacking and enduring evil)
— Temperance (tempering desires, retraining and reordering them to their purposes)

Upon the foundation of our relationship with God (Theological Virtues) we carry out our active life (the Cardinal … Read the rest

The Weight of Glory

Posted on by Jeff Cassman

From @BldgCatholicMen on Twitter:

“Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses.”

This is a favorite quote of mine from C.S. Lewis’ “Weight of Glory”.

It is a favorite because it precisely challenges some of my weaknesses. I tend to be a private and introverted person, content to pray, lift, read, and otherwise keep to myself — family life, obviously, challenges this tendency in a huge (and helpful) way!

Here is the thing: God has given you and I many missions in life. But one of the most fundamental is this: To appreciate, encourage, and lead every person you interact with a step closer to Jesus.

When you interact with someone today, be it your wife, children, coworkers, or the store clerk:

— Make eye contact
— Acknowledge
— Smile
— Encourage (Literally: GIVE courage)
— Lead any conversation to what is True, Good, and Beautiful
— Pray: either with them or for them after you part

Don’t miss these moments of grace, however small.

When we meet God, He will demand an account from us for all of these precious moments.

They are the real opportunities God is sending you — moment by moment — to imitate our Lord Jesus Christ.

One more quote from C.S. Lewis to challenge and inspire you in this regard:

“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to … Read the rest

Why Do Men Allow Women To Dominate Them?

Posted on by Jeff Cassman

I’m in this FB group for Catholic men, and a new member asked why there were women in a group for Catholic men. I had not noticed this before, but I asked myself the same thing.

Within moments the new guy got attacked and ridiculed for asking the question, and women warned other men not to dare think in that same way and it was implied that if they spoke up along these lines there was something wrong with them, perhaps something dark and even cowardly.

Soon all sorts of men (mostly millennials, in all fairness), were also rushing to condemn men who think that men’s groups should be for men, and begging the offended women to stay, and declaring their love and fondness for all women, regardless of how they behave in a men’s group.

The admin/moderator of the page remained silent.

So much of what I believe about the problems with the family, the Church and modern society have just been definitively confirmed.

There are some interesting demonstrations of this point in my FB post:

… Read the rest